The Merc with the Mouth: A Cat in the Hat Parody from Peter Parker's Perspective

The sun did not shine, it was too sad to stay
But I had to sit in detention all of that cold day.
I sat there with MJ
We sat there, we two
And I said, "how I wish we had something to do!"
Not time to go out, but at least no dodgeball,
So we'll sit in here, but do nothing at all.
And all we can do is just
Sit! Sit! Sit!
And we did not like it!
Not one little bit!

The something went BUMP!
And that bump made us jump!
We looked! And we saw him
Step in from down south
We looked and we saw him,
The Merc with the Mouth
And he said to us: "Why do you sit there like that?
I know you're stuck here, and so your day is quite shitty
But c'mon! The thing you got here? THAT was quite whitty!"

"I like your style kid, I knows games we can play!"
Said the Merc
"My name is Deadpool, and I'll show you my tricks!" Said the Merc with the Mouth.
"A lot of good tricks! I could show them to you!
Tony Stark would not mind at all if I do!"

But MJ and I didn't know what to say, because Tony Stark had left New York for that day.

But Rocket said,
"No, no!
Make that Merc go away!
Tell that red-clad asshole that you do not wish to play!
He should not be here!
He should not be about!
He should not be here when Tony Stark is out!"

And the tree agreed, and gave out a hoot,
And it went something like this: "I am Groot!"

"Now, now! Be cool!
Be cool!" said Deadpool.
"Why we can have lots of fun!
Said the Merc with the Mouth,
Why, we can have
Lots of good fun to entail
With a game I call
Hold the racoon  by the tail!"

"Put me down asshole!" Said Rocket
"Or I'll bite your face off!
Put me down this instant!
You're not David Hasselhoff!"

And the tree folded his arms
sniffed his snoot
And he said in agreement
"I am Groot."

"Have no fear!" Said Deadpool
"And shut up Ranger Rick!
I'll stand on this ball
Because you were a dick!"

"I'll now press all of my luck
I can fill up my pants with a duck
You tree and trash-panda panda can protest 'cause you suck
Because my name is Deadpool, and I don't give a f-"

"SHIT!!!!!!!!"

And that is what he said...
When he fell on his head!