How Invader Zim stole Christmas

Everyone
Down in Detroit
Liked Christmas alot

...But Zim!
Who lived in his own house,
Did not!

Zim hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season
Now please don't ask why, no one knows quite the reason.
It could be that his gut was not easy to find.
It could be that his pants fit too tight on his behind.
But I think that the best reason to peruse,
Would be that his head had two screws too loose.

But whatever the reason, his head or his behind,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, waiting, hating mankind.
Staring down from his room with a sour Irken frown,
At warm lighted windows below in their town
For he knew that every human down in Detroit beneath
Was busy, now hanging up a Mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging up their stockings!" he said with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!"
Then he growled with his Irken fingers nervously drumming
"I must find a way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For
Tomorrow, he knew...

All the human girls and boys,
They'd wake bright and early, they'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh the noise, noise, noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE!!

Then the humans, young and old, would sit down for a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST
                    FEAST
                     FEAST
                      FEAST!
They'd feast on rice pudding, and rare Earth roast beef
To think they'd like such things was beyond Zim's belief!

And THEN!
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Every human down in Detroit, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing,
They'd stand hand-in-hand, the humans would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more Zim thought of this Earth-Christmas sing, the more Zim thought,
"I must stop this whole thing!
Why, for all of these Earth-years, I put up with it now!
I must stop this Christmas from coming...
           But how?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
Zim
Got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just want to do!" Zim laughed in his throat,
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
Then he chuckled and clucked, "what a sly Irken trick!
With this hat and this coat, I look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer"
Zim looked around
But since Reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop Invader Zim...?
No! Zim simply said,
"If I can'd find a Reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his bot GIR, and he took some red thread,
And he zipped a deer suit to the top of his head.

THEN
He took some old bags
And tupperware bowls to stir
On a ramshackle sleigh
Bearing songs from GIR.

All their windows were dark.  Quiet snow filled the air.
All the humans were dreaming Earth-dreams without care.
Then he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one!" the Invader Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney, which was quite tight on him,
But if Santa could do it then so could Invader Zim.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two,
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Earth stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags.  Then Zim, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbly!

Then he slunk to the icebox.  He took the Earth feast!
He took the Earth pudding! He took their roast beast!
He cleaned out that ice box as quick as a flash!
Why, he even took their last can of Earth-hash!

Then he stuffed all of the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Zim, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And Zim grabbd the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a familiar face,
The Membranes had resided in this place.
Zim had been by this tiny Earth daughter,
Who'd come out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at Zim, and said, "Santa Claus, why
Did you forget the guillotine, WHY?"

But, you know, that Zim was so smart and so slick!
He thought up a lie! And he thought it up quick!
"My dear sweet girl!" the Invader-Claus lied,
"We don't have a guillotine because of the worker's strike!
So I'm taking this tree to my workshop, cute Earth-thing!
And I'll take it up there, and cut it to your guillotine!"

His fib didn't fool her, but it amused her to think,
Of how Dib would react, as she got her cold drink.
When Gaz Membrane went to bed with her cup,
Zim went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire,
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
Leaving nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food
that he left in the house
Was a crumb that was much too small for a mouse.

Then,
He did the same thing
To the other Earth houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Earth mouses!

It was a quarter past dawn,
All the humans, still a-bed,
All the humans still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of a hill,
He rode with his load all the way to the landfill!
"Pooh-Pooh to the Earthlings!" He was manically humming.
"They're finding out no Christmas is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two
Then the humans down in Detroit will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Zim,
"That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused, And he put his hand to where he had an ear,
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow
It started in low.  Then it started to grow...

"ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!" shouted a boy's voice.
Why, this sounded so scary!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS scary, very!

He stared down at the slopes,
Zim popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

It was Dib! A boy who, for his age was quite small,
Had arrived!

Zim forgot that Dib could be coming!
He came!
Somehow or other, he came just the same!

And Zim, who Dib pushed deep in the snow,
Sat puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
Then he got up and hit Dib square in the face!
With a snowball, to keep him right in his place
But Dib  stumbled backwards, right to the edge
And with one more step, he fell over the ledge!
But he landed safely in garbage, don't worry about him.
Instead you should worry about our hero Zim.

And what happened then...?
Well...in Detroit they say
That Zim's loose screws
Grew looser that day!
He laughed until he brose his back to a bow
Then shrieked "Christmas is dangerous! We must return it now!"
So he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
...Zim carved the Earth-beast.