Friday, January 10, 2020

Christmas: The Grand Finale

I have tons of favorite Christmas movies and specials: The Muppet Christmas CarolDie-HardThe Santa ClauseMerry Christmas Mr. Bean, Elf, Home Alone, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (all versions), A Charlie Brown Christmas, A Christmas Story, the Polar Express, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (all versions) the Christmas Invasion, The Daleks' Master Plan, The Runaway Bride, and The Unquiet Dead, Voyage of the Damned, and roughly in that order.

But what if elements of many of them were combined?

Frosty the Time Lord heard a prophecy that he would perish and be reborn again, implying regeneration, very soon.  Accepting his impending regeneration, he now simply wants to acquire, and use, a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Air Rifle, before he finally melts and regenerates.

In order to get his Red Ryder Air Rifle, Frosty goes to the Polar Express to go to the North Pole.

However, the Polar Express is taken over by armed terrorists/bank robbers.   The terrorists are led by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Grinch, played by Rowan Atkinson, probably the only non-muppet character in the entire movie not played by Tom Hanks, assisted by fellow terrorists, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (played by Tom Hanks) and Beaker (played by Tom Hanks).   He is also a Time Lord, but his body is decaying.

He has been assigned by the Daleks to go to the North Pole and destroy Christmas and thus make the galaxy easier to purge and fill only with Daleks.  Altogether too happy to oblige, because he was made fun of for his red nose, he has taken over the Polar Express to sneak into the North Pole and steal Santa's gifts before they get delivered.

Frosty hides from the Grinch and wages a guerilla warfare on the train against the Muppet terrorists.

The train then crashes with a screeching halt into its station in the North Pole, but the Grinch makes it out and proceeds with the next phase of his plan.

Luckily, the Elves have prepared accordingly.

As soon as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Grinch lays foot in the workshop, he is subject to a series of hilarious traps that gradually slow his advance until he has no choice left but to give up.

Worn down to his hands and knees, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Grinch is powerless as Santa Claus approaches him...

...And takes pity on him.

Santa offers to make him lead the sleigh, as it's too foggy to navigate the skies, and Santa senses that Rudolph had it rough.

Buddy the Elf fixes the sleigh, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Grinch gets to lead in front, guiding them through the night, to deliver all of the presents in time.

Thus, the plan of the Daleks has failed, and Frosty the Time Lord gets to use his Red Ryder BB-gun...only for it to, in a bitterly ironic twist, ricochet and put his eye out, triggering his regeneration into the Eleventh Frosty...

...Played by Tom Hanks.

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